Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Edit, edit, edit. No amount of editing is too much--4 or 5 people may read the blog.
Make it funny. You don't want people to get bored and not make it to the end of the post. The last line or paragraph should send them away chuckling to themselves, like good Broadway sends you away whistling.
Moderate embellishment is acceptable if it makes the humor more robust.
Don't get discouraged if nobody writes comments--everyone writes blogs that bomb from time to time. Just keep at it. It is a skill, and like any skill, requires practice, focus and hard work to improve. You can do it. Keep writing. Keep editing.
Use the "Link:" box to refer to refer to funny websites. This enhances the reader's experience by providing additional content in an interactive way.
Avoid reading too many Mommy blogs--they're not the highest quality writing and may make you lazy about your own. Look for more crafted writing, like overheardindc2.blogspot.com, to guide you.
As you mature as a blogger, you will find the joy of spending way too much time writing and editing entries that may attract not more than one hand's worth of readers. As Despair, Inc, has said about blogging, "Never before have so many people, with so little to say, said so much to so few." But with time and effort you may get a blog-following of your immediate family and a friend or two. Keep it up--blog, blog, blog.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
- Driving routes. They must be the absolute most efficient way to get there. You gotta know the roads. You must be aware of the traffic patterns during the various times of the day, like morning and evening rush hour. I detest back-tracking because it is geographically inefficient. Of course, it can be condoned if it is more time efficient than a more direct route. Take the same route to the airport every time. When you are taking the 6:00 am flight, this will avoid unnecessary route planning for a tired head that was probably up until midnight packing.
- Absolutely and under no circumstances must you resize electronic pictures that include circles so as to obscure the circle into an oval. Doing so immediately reveals your unprofessional lack of sensitivity to image integrity and basic computer skills. If you don't know how to resize the image, let someone else make the flyer.
- Daily maintenance routines must be performed efficiently. This means lining up activities in the proper order. Shampoo hair first, then soap body in the following sequence: left arm, right arm, chest, stomach, back, left leg, right leg, face and neck. Pants first, then shirt. This allows you to loop the belt without having to lift up the shirt. This process must be reversed, however, when dressing for Sunday. In that case, the shirt must come first so you can simply pull up the trousers over the shirt, avoiding any unnecessary tucking or adjusting. Left sock, right sock, left shoe, right shoe. Always tie left first so as not to get things out of sequence, requiring you to re-think what must come next and hence slowing down the entire process.
- Trying to scrub every plate, fork and knife is too time consuming, so just rinse those off and stick 'em in the dishwasher. Leave the pans for last, hand washing them and counter dry them.
- Click the alarm clock volume to "Lo" before setting the alarm. This lessens the annoying sound of the voice that announces each number as you rotate to the correct time. Be sure to switch it back to "HI" so you're certain to hear it in the morning.
- CD's must always be upright in their jewel case or CD holder. If they are randomly rotated then it strains your eyes and neck to read the artists and titles, especially for those who are not familiar with your library.
- Pay attention to the "Artist" column in your iTunes library. If you do not, then you might end up with several names for one artist and you won't know which song or album is under which version of the artist's name. For example, "The Mormon Tabernacle Choir," and "Mormon Tabernacle Choir." If you have not adjusted the names, then when you're looking for Amazing Grace, you may have to look under several Choir entries--highly inefficient. Double check the album names, as well. A little work while importing songs can save you a lot of time finding them later.
- Wallet goes in the left front pocket; the iPod too, when necessary. Keys and phone go in the front right pocket. Change, when carried, goes in the left. Don't put your wallet in your back pocket--it can misadjust your chiropractically aligned back. Save the back pockets for receipts, small screws and guitar picks.
- Put the toilet paper on so that the end lays on the front side not the back--it saves time and energy.
- Fold shirts in half, pants in thirds. For hanging pants: those with creases, hang according to the creases. For no crease pants, fold them out (the front of the pants facing out). Wrinkles are less likely with this approach.
- Getting in the car: sit, door shut, keys in and start, (lights if needed), belt, (if present, iPod into FM transmitter, choose playlist, radio to 89.5, volume), in gear, check left side blind spot, go, adjust climate control, adjust volume again if needed. Getting out of the car: park, lights off, keys out, belt off, (disconnect iPod), open door, get out/lock doors, (put iPod in front left pocket).
- In Windows, always open the browser first with gmail on the first tab. That way, you can quickly and easily navigate to your inbox when the notification window appears on the bottom right hand corner. At work, Open Outlook first so it's the left most button on the Start Bar for the same reason. Try to open links in new tabs as opposed to new windows (except Google Calendar). Sometimes this requires a right-click and choosing the option "Open link in new tab." This keeps the desktop and the Start Bar from getting cluttered.
- Always keep the milk in the same place. This avoids confusion in blurry-eyed mornings.
- Always click "Preview" before you post a blog to make sure the layout works. Edit if necessary.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
- Dropping my keys in the sewer drain in parking lots
- Hitting a sewer drain on my bike
- That others think I am shoplifting. To avoid this, I walk slowly out of stores with my hands in clear view.
- Running out of soap in the shower
- Running out of toilet paper
- Not getting up on time to go to work
- Forgetting something important at work
- Locking my keys in my car. I keep an extra key in my wallet for this purpose.
- Someone breaking into my house and stealing my computer. They would probably do it during the day when I'm at work.
- When I was in Junior High - getting AIDS. They had all those sex ed classes that told you if you got AIDS you died. There was that show "Go Toward the Light" of that little boy who got AIDS from a blood transfusion. I worry about getting it when other people are bleeding.
- Stepping in dog doo-doo
- Losing one glove
- What I'm going to eat for lunch
- What I'm going to eat for dinner
- Getting in a car accident
- Plumbing problems, especially bursting pipes. I don't like how they're all in the walls and ceilings and floors and that you can't see them. There's no way to know if there is a problem until it's catastrophic.
- House fires. I keep my bedroom door closed at night for this reason, just like they taught you in elementary school.
- Moose attacking me while hiking alone
- Forgetting my eye drops
- Dropping my iPod
- My iPod getting stolen
- Identity theft, credit card theft, etc.